Opportunities Missed?

This is an old journal entry of mine.  But not all knowledge we gain is new.  In fact, a good portion of it is things we already knew.  LOVE to reflect.

Boy.... it's so true that we learn a lot from our kids... 
It all started last Thursday when my “over achiever” seven year old missed school because the entire house was sick. She missed school which ment Mommy had to go into town to get her missing work so she wouldn’t get behind… 
Mom got it and before we got to school on Monday… and things were good. Then more work that she missed got sent home. She decided not to do it right after school~ she decided not to do it that night when we got home~ she decided to try and do it in the car on the way to school…. That went over like a ton of bricks…. You know how good your writing in the car is…. Not that good and that doesn’t go over good for a seven year old perfectionist. Upon getting to town, when mommy says…”ok girls, get your stuff tucked in your bag.” I hear…. “but Mommy, I have A LOT more to do. … ohhhh I should have just gone to study hall at school yesterday.” 
That’s right… she just told me that she could have done it at school, but chose not to… hmmm… Mommy moment… here is where a short conversation took place about responsibilities and choices. I told her that she didn’t make any good choices about her work so far and she would have to go to the library before school and get the work finished. She was frustrated and annoyed…. But like a good little perfectionist. … she went and got the work done.
All of this made me wonder… if my perfectionist seven year old could miss three opportunities to get work done…. How many opportunities do I miss to be more effective, more productive, more successful. Maybe I don’t need 30 hours in a day… maybe I just need to take better advantage of the opportunities in front of me. 

Slowing down is so rewarding.  I don't mean sleeping in and vegging out rewarding.  Most of the time when that happens, I actually feel worthless and obviously, that's not rewarding.

I went on a field trip today-  Went to a river with a bunch of 4th graders.  If you haven't done field trips- you should.  Ride on a yellow limousine; a gentle reminder you are much larger than you used to be.  Standing up in those seats is so awkward.

But back to the field trip.

Have you seen your pride and joy learn with their peers?
Have you watched a friend tell your baby a story?
Have you watched your child present information to their peers?
Have you helped your kid's classmates, and tried to understand their world?
Have you enjoyed a PB&J outside with a bunch of 4th graders?
Have you seen the unsuspected genius 4th grader excel?
Have you looked at birds through binoculars as minutes ticked away?
Have you listened to the excitement of your child's peers as they discover the world around them?

I did yesterday- and it reminded me that this world is amazing.  Life is more simple than we make it some times.  I never miss a game or practice.  Have tried to escape work for field trips before, and am not a "drop and go" parent.  I don't miss many experiences with my children.  But when you go into an activity with a mind set to just drink it all in-  Magic happens.

When we slow down and take a mental breath- we can appreciate life for all it's meant to be.  Conversations that we were meant to have can happen.

Bus conversations - with a 10 year-old that acts like a 15 year-old most of the time.
"Mommy, where are we going?  How long will it take?"
"Just up the highway a bit.  It won't take long."
"Mommy, are you staying with my group all day?"
"That's what I am here for.  To explore and learn with you."
"I love you Mommy.  Thank you for coming today."
(heart melts - right here)

Or this one

"Mommy, I think my group's presentation was the best one."
"You did a very good job.  I'm proud of you."
"Did you know that about pine cones Mama?"
"I actually didn't know there was so much food inside of them."
"So I actually taught you something?"
"You teach me something everyday sweet peet."
(see simple)

"Mommy, I'm cold and tired."
"Your coat's right here, snuggle up.  Or do you want to put your coat on and go talk to Maddie?"
"No, I wanna snuggle you.  I liked today Mom.  It was fun.  Can we bring Daddy here?"
"Why don't we go explore another part of the river with Daddy.  You can teach him all that we learned today."
(This is where my ten year old fell asleep on my lap- on the yellow limousine.)

Focusing on Strengths~ Improving your Weaknesses

Focusing on Strengths~ Improving your Weaknesses

In a world of achievements, spotlighting and, whether we like it or not, keeping up with the Joneses;  We often focus on what we can't do, our struggles, what drags us down.  We are our own worst enemies and do the most damage to ourselves.

In teaching, we work on focusing on strengths.  Building up the bad through working on the good.   I help children feel good about what they can do and encouraging the rest to grow as it can.

As a parent, I forget to do this.  I love my babies-  I can see what they are good at ~ but when their weaknesses jump out, I freak out.  The teacher and  mom in me go absolutely nuts.  I think of ways to review, tweak instruction, find extra minutes in the day to practice instruction, talk to them about different problems, model good behavior, you name it ~ I try it.  I get all worked up, worry the girls, make them feel terrible, make myself feel terrible, then after they go to bed or leave for school ~ I worry some more.

Problem solved?  Doubtful.  Typically, shortfalls resume and disappointment ensues.

So then I go back to ~ strengths.  They make us feel good.  They make us feel STRONG.  Unstoppable.  Amazing.  How do I use them at home, like I would in the classroom?

Let me share with you my journey.  This won't be a one shot posting wonder.  This will be on-going.  This will be full of struggle and full of freak outs.  Promise.  But what I am confident in is: it will end in some STRONG, amazing, confident, unstoppable young ladies.  Promise.

Here is where we start:  WHAT ARE YOUR STRENGTHS?

Not my strengths or your strengths.  What are your child's strengths?  Do they know what they are good at?  Are you sure?  Do they like being good at them?  Focus on that.  Be confident in that.
* Personality Traits.
    trustworthy, dependable, responsible, funny, outgoing, creative, stubborn, energetic, talkative, logical, personable, curious, empathetic, silly, caring, friendly, determined, responsible.

My challenge to you:  make a list of your oldest child's strengths.  Look at those strengths and process what that means for their journey in life.  And I mean really think about it.   Then- make a list of their weaknesses... where can those strengths carry them through the difficult times where their weaknesses may make it even worse.

Example.  My sweet, amazing, empathetic middle child; she is loyal and loving, impressionable and a peacemaker.  If She knows you, she wants to make you happy.  I worry about peer pressure when she is older.  I really had to think about what to build in her so when she comes across a situation where she thinks that she has to choose hurting herself to please a peer- that she can really be determined and focused on why she has to make a positive decision for herself and why that will help her friend in the long run.
My middle child is so amazing.  She loves- and oh- does she love.  She will hug anyone through any problem.  She will support everyone and wants people to feel good.  Well, really, that makes this whole peer thing even easier.  As long as I teach Miss Middle Child that she can support and love her friends through modeling good choices and not being judgmental, I don't think she will ever feel like she needs to make a bad choice to make a friend happy.
Spelling- It's another tough one for her.  That's a skill we can work on- but truthfully, she is going to always need to be aware of her poor spelling abilities.  I said she has to be aware, which she usually isn't.  BUT what she is - is a rule follower.  So new rule for Miss Middle Child:  after writing sentences, or a writing assignment, someone must proof read assignment or she must be diligent about checking the spelling when she is done.  It's a rule.  She will follow it.  That's her strength.  It will help carry her through her spelling weakness.

See we all have great strengths.  We all have weaknesses that tend to really kick us when we need it the least.  What we have to do for ourselves, and our children is be tricky and smart about our strengths.

SO- Go do it.  Start with the oldest.  Make a list, then make another.  Think about how you can intentionally set things up.  After you are done with the oldest, move on to the next oldest.  When you are done with your children- do your list.

I've been working on it.  I have have three strong amazing young ladies for daughters.  I have A LOT to work on.  So - Let's do this~